The Joy Of Six (Or Maybe Seven)

Well the dust is starting to settle somewhat after last Saturday, yet more hand wringing in the UK. Yes, the song was mediocre, and Yes, a better song might have raised the UK up to the dizzying heights of 15th.... but let's make this bit clear...

THE BEST SONGS IN THE WORLD WON'T WIN EUROVISION FOR THE UK OR ANY OTHER WESTERN EUROPEAN COUNTRY.

The Finns in 2006 with Lordi had a massive publicity campaign (hell they were even on the front page of the New York Times) that has sadly obscured the ongoing problem.. without such a media miracle the Eurovision is unwinnable for all but six countries.

Russia, Ukraine. Serbia, Turkey, Armenia and Greece.

Every year under the current system they have a top ten finish guaranteed even if they sent a cat farting for three minutes. On their debut Azerbaijan look set to join that club too. Norway only managed to spoil the party this year in a very minor way because of being drawn last.

Most of the other countries TV stations probably got decent viewing figures so they will no doubt again in 2009 go to vast expense to choose a song that has absolutely no chance of winning. How many more years will it take?.



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Back To Square One

Oh the elation on Thursday night, after the second semi, when the songs appeared to have qualified on merit after some clever seeding by the organizers. How rapidly that vanished on the final night, as perhaps in all honesty, we knew it would, but hoped for a miracle. That never happened. Take a look at the scoreboard.

1 Russia 272
2 Ukraine 230
3 Greece 218
4 Armenia 199
5 Norway 182
6 Serbia 160
7 Turkey 138
8 Azerbaijan 132
9 Israel 124
10 Bosnia 110
11 Georgia 83
12 Latvia 83
13 Portugal 69
14 Iceland 64
15 Denmark 60
16 Spain 55
17 Albania 55
18 Sweden 47
19 France 47
20 Romania 45
21 Croatia 44
22 Finland 35
23 Germany 14
24 Poland 14
25 UK 14

A few observations: unless you have a Lordi style media campaign you have to come from one of half-a-dozen countries to have a chance of winning. If you're from any of the ex-Soviet union you have at least sixty guaranteed points to start with. The draw for running order still plays a disproportionate role in the result: the songs populating the foot of the scoreboard were almost all from the first ones sung. Hence Armenia is lower than we'd expect and Norway a helluva lot higher. And the big four of France, Spain, Germany and the UK are seemingly permanently doomed to finish near the bottom whatever they send (and who in their right mind would want to sing for them these days?).

After all this some countries are considering their position but the organizers at the EBU are counting the phone money and nothing's going to change. You can't help feeling Eurovision is now well on the way to a slow agonizing death.

Head On The Block - Final Prediction

Well time to put up and shut up with just a few hours to go... the essential thing to remember is that while the semi-finals were seeded, the final voting hasn't changed, all 43 countries can vote including eliminated countries, so inevitably ex-pat and neighbour voting will again be rife. So Nul Points Net's final prediction is as follows:

1 Serbia
2 Russia
3 Ukraine
4 Greece
5 Finland
6 Turkey
7 Azerbaijan
8 Armenia
9 Georgia
10 Denmark
11 Norway
12 Bosnia Herzegovina
13 Sweden
14 Spain
15 Portugal
16 Croatia
17 Latvia
18 Iceland
19 Romania
20 Israel
21 France
22 Poland
23 Albania
24 United Kingdom
25 Germany

......... but most of all here's to a great contest and some exciting voting!

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A Classic Eurovision Moment From 2008 Already!

To start the voting in the first semi-final, they brought on world #3 tennis player, Novak Djokovic. For the second semi they brought on the redoubtable Lys Assia, the very first winner of Eurovision in 1956... the end result was priceless.



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Wow! Semi Two delivers the goods and restores your faith

How fan-dabi-dozey!..... the peeps at the European Broadcasting Union changed the rules for this years semis after an onslaught of Eastern bloc voting friendliness last year that saw all final qualifiers from the East... for 2008 they decided on two semi-finals with countries strategically separated to try and avoid the worst excesses of neighbour/ex-pat voting... and by lordi it seems to have worked!. The second semi tonight has confirmed that every single Nordic country from Iceland to Finland via Norway, Sweden and Denmark have qualified for Saturday's final while the likes of Belarus and Macedonia (who would have been guaranteed a place a year ago) bite the dust. What a result!.

The ex-pat powerhouses of Russia, Ukraine, Serbia and Armenia may well still triumph on Saturday but tonight is a night to savour.

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Semi 2 - It's Getting Serious

So after all those rehearsals the first semi-final has taken place and the party comes to an abrupt end for nine countries. Reality kicks in for the Netherlands and Belgium, missing out on the final for the fourth straight year, and Estonia and Andorra for the fifth (the Pyrreneans have still to officially debut at a contest final). The gimmicks from Ireland and Estonia fell by the wayside and Nul Points Net hot favourite Belgium were doomed by a breathless performance and dodgy staging as the charm of the national final evaporated. It's a shame that these three weren't in the mix on Saturday if only to hear Wogan's comments.

We also last night saw the ten qualifiers placed into the final draw, and to no-one's surprise Russia drew a plum slot, second-last, just like in the semi. The draw was carried out at a press conference (see the video below) and several of those present report that it was anything but transparent. The efforts of the organizers and the Serbian hosts to influence Russian success are really getting beyond a joke now. We know they're close allies but this, on top of the props fiasco, is plain ridiculous.

Anyway, on to semi-final two, which is widely thought to have the stronger songs. This is the semi in which the UK can vote. At this point in proceedings the Nul Points prediction is for these to qualify: Sweden, Turkey, Ukraine, Latvia, Croatia, Bulgaria, Georgia, Malta, FYR Macedonia, Portugal



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Semi 1 - Never Mind The Quality, Feel The Eurovision!

Semi-final one of Eurovision 2008 is upon us and we can barely hear it for the howls of derision about how weak and inferior it is to semi-final two. In terms of consistent song quality it surely is, but when on earth has that been what Eurovision's about?. The first semi has a whole heap of intrigue and interest:

The return of Dana International in the songwriter's (no-doubt feather-enhanced)chair.
A ridiculous gimmick from Estonia that you either hate or..... hate.
Plucky little San Marino's debut totally without compromise.
Belgiums uber-barmy tribute to the Singing Nun which Nul Points just adores.
Azerbaijan's debut Faux-hemian Rhapsody which Nul Points mostly doesn't adore.
Poland's sultry totty trying to tip them into a final at long last.
Dustin the Turkey telling it like it is and rising above the hissy fan boos.
Andorra going for fifth time lucky resurrecting the ghost of Steps.
Armenia and the Netherlands showing us the joys of Eurovision televoting 2008 style.
Finland trying to do metal without make-up.
The scary "Victory For Russia" campaign which the Serb hosts seem happy to support.
Greece showing us the benefits of recycling for the whole planet.

All in all, an absolute delight..... makes the second semi so drab by comparison.

Head on the block time.... Nul Points predictions for qualifiers..... in order...

Israel,Belgium,Azerbaijan,Poland,Ireland,Bosnia,Armenia,Romania,Russia,Greece....

EDIT---> well that was 8/10. Sorry for Belgium which was way too breathless, Ireland was a mess live and also broke the "six persons on a stage rule". Happy for Norway, and somewhat perplexed at Finland, but well done!

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A week of rehearsals and the show's about to begin

This site has never been a fan of the semi-final process but there is something guiltily pleasant in having a Eurovision Week instead of just a night as the two semis this year mean shows on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. Rehearsals started a full week ago and websites official and unofficial have been reporting on them ad nauseam. What we can say is that yet again the presentations will be a sea of over-choreography, fireworks and multicoloured moving backdrops. The latter seem to have become compulsory nowadays even to the point where they spell out the lyric just in case you didn't hear the singers (which seems like something of a cheat).

Talking of general unfairness, there are still some unsavoury aspects of the production (that's apart from the unexpected revival of several pairs of leather trousers on a Eurovision stage): The composer of the home Serbian entry is co-host of the contest and will somehow (in an astonishing display of naivety by the European Broadcasting Union) be expected to be impartial as the votes are (or aren't) flowing in. Also the decision to hold the draw for the qualified finalists off-camera makes no sense at all and smacks of potential fixing, especially given other events in rehearsal week.

After dress rehearsals the organizers have actually moved a commercial break solely in order to pacify the Russian delegation. The Russian entry has ridiculous props including a mini-ice rink and a ladder and these were just too much to clear the stage before the next song, but after a hissy-fit from the Ruskies the ad-break is now after their song leaving Greece isolated by itself at the end of the line-up.

Despite these drawbacks, which now seem done and dusted, time to sit back and enjoy our week of the year. Whichever song you're supporting, here's to a fantastic Belgrade 2008!

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Draw Controversy In Belgrade

The running order for Eurovision has always been a factor in determining success at Eurovision, especially in the televoting era when voters may not have been watching since song one, but Eurovision has often been reticent about making the draw procedure as open and above-board as possible. Quite often the draw has consisted of a number of balls being opened without much discernable shuffling. In the last few years, slots for the semi-finalists have been left open at the original draw then when the envelopes have been opened at the end of the semi (again after not a great deal of shuffling) the announced qualifiers have slotted into the draw in order of the remaining spaces.

In 2008 eighty percent of the finalists are having to qualify, and after the ten announcements over two semi-final nights their position in the contest final is being drawn off-camera after the second-semi. It would have been the easiest thing in the world to draw a position for each qualifier at the time they were announced, but that of course is far too transparent for Eurovision.

The two worst draws left in the final are 1st and 3rd and you can almost bet your life that the Russian song (that is practically being groomed for victory this year) won't be in those slots, but it would be nice to think that in a transparent draw that could just happen. Now it would be truly amazing if it were to.

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Sir Cliff Robbed? Franc-ly Unlikely

The build-up to this years contest has already been enhanced with it's fair amount of media coverage, courtesy of Ireland's subversive turkey twizzler Dustin and France's groovy entry sung in English. Today we got an unexpected extra shot of publicity with the revelation in a Spanish TV documentary that Spain's General Franco "bought" the 1968 contest by bribing other countries to ensure victory for Spain. This was apparently achieved by travelling the continent and buying overseas TV shows in return for guaranteed votes for Espana.

This whole idea seems somewhat silly on closer examination. In 1968 the voting consisted of each country having ten jurors couped up in a TV studio. And if the result WAS rigged it was done extremely subtlely and virtually the whole continent's juries must have been in on the fix. After the French entry spurted into an early lead it's votes dried up and it was overtaken by the UK. With two juries to go the German jury gave six it's ten to Spain and a 23-28 deficit became 29-28. At the time this was blamed in the UK on residual resentment either post 1966 World Cup or even the Second World War. What is known is that Spanish singer Massiel performed her song on a popular German TV show just before the event. The conspiracy theories are great fun but just don't hold water. Here's a Spanish clip of the climax of the contest:





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