Nul Points Review: #5 The Nordic Noughties

What a strange but eventful decade for the five Nordic stalwarts of Eurovision: Denmark, Finland, Iceland, Norway and Sweden. A decade of the highest highs and the lowest lows, including a fall from grace and a dramatic revival.

As the new millennium began, Sweden were reigning Euro champs after Charlotte Nilsson's retro crowd pleaser "Take Me To Your Heaven" edged out Iceland in the first contest for over twenty years when any language could be used. As in the earlier years, the Nordic nations were enthusiastic and adept at using the English language and all seemed set fair for further success for the most northerly section of the Eurovision family. The Swedes proudly hosted the first contest of the new decade with a huge amount of style, Over the first five contests of the decade the Swedes were a model of competency and consistency, placing each year between fifth and eighth while all around them "old" countries were being slaughtered by cheeky newcomers from the East. A nineteenth place in 2005 was perceived as a blip, especially when 1991 contest winner Carola returned the year after to reclaim a top five place. but sadly the Swedish wheels were now coming off like a defective Volvo Estate. Their annual "Melodifestivalen" remains by far the most elaborate national selection of the whole continent, and a bigger draw to the Swedes than Eurovision itself so they are maybe not too distressed by four of their latest five entries failing to attain the top seventeen. In a confirmation that times really had changed, 1999 winner Ms Nilsson (below) returned to the contest in 2008 (now as Charlotte Perelli) and after scraping into the final on the basis of jury votes came in a whole seventeen places lower than nine years earlier.



While Sweden was celebrating as the old century ended, the Danes were in a major slump. After a stellar period in the Eighties when they lit up the contest year after year with cheesy pop gorgeousness the Nineties were quite disastrous as they were twice relegated and had to miss a contest. Forward to 2000 and the forty-fifth contest in Stockholm when we all thought that Eurodisco-lite still ruled, and so Nicki French and similar offerings from Estonia and the Netherlands were installed as pre-contest favourites. In a delightful upset, Danish national final veterans the Olsen Brothers eased to a convincing win with "Fly On The Wings Of Love", reminding us once more that Eurovision is about more than the fans. Twelve months later the Danes were favourites for a double but fell just short on the home soil of a vast soccer stadium. Another year on and they plummeted to last place and consequent absence from the next contest. The latter part of the decade saw a mini-revival to a mid-table position. In 2008 the EBU decided on two semi-finals with countries seeded to try and diffuse the ex-pat and neighbour voting threatening to kill the contest, and like all the Nordic nations, Denmark seemed to benefit.



For poor old Finland the millennium dawned much as the last one had set. Almost always near the foot of the scoreboard, the opening up of the contest to the Eastern bloc and consequent promotion/relegation system tore shreds in Finlands record as they were reduced to missing every other contest, being absent from the 1995, 1997, 1999, 2001 and 2003 contests due to disastrous results. The dawn of the semi-final system in 2004 and the certainty of always being involved, even if not in the Saturday final, was enough to stir interest in the land of the sauna, and sure enough very soon one of their most successful musical exports had taken the bait. "Monster Rockers" Lordi were of course tailor-made for Eurovision in the new millennium, and their image was broadcast all over the globe before the 2006 contest (including front pages of American news websites), in a great coup for Eurovision to get back in the news. When a Eurovision act gets that much exposure you know that victory is assured and so it was. Once victory was secured, and a fantastic contest staged, Finland fell into thinking that just any old metal act would do (which was not the case) and as the decade ends they're slipping back down the table again.



Iceland joined the Euro party a quarter of a century after their neighbours and had established a moderately successful record when Selma's "All Out Of Luck" was a very close second to Sweden in the last contest of the old century. Rather than a springboard, this was a signal for a slow decline in Icelandic fortunes emphasized by relegation after the 2001 contest. A brief revival a year later was snuffed out by the semi-final system and the onslaught of Eastern European countries and their diaspora. All seemed lost, especially after Selma's disastrous 2005 return, and their stellar 2007 soft-rock epic failed to qualify, but help was at hand. A year later the EBU introduced two, seeded, semi-finals in an attempt to reduce the more pernicious effects of televoting, and suddenly all the Nordic countries had made it to the final, not least Iceland. Their Euro-dance effort rather fizzled out once in the final, but more changes were afoot. In 2009 the rules for the semi stayed the same but for the final the voting was fifty percent by national jury. Iceland delivered the lovely Yohanna with a sweet ballad that many thought too quiet and subtle for Eurovision, yet it not only edged a runners up spot on finals night (a decade after their first), but the later revealed semi-final scores showed that against all odds and with total public voting, Iceland won it's semi. It was indeed
true.



And so at last to Norway, our favourite country of all at Nul Points. They came into the decade bouncing around all over the middle part of the scoreboard without any great triumphs or disasters, however their fortunes became more dramatic as last places in 2001 and 2004 contrasted with fourth place in 2003 and ninth in 2005. By 2008 the top places in the contest scoreboard were threatening to be an endless monopoly of those Eastern and Southern countries with vast armies of ex-pats with apparently limitless mobile phone funds, yet a beefed up Norwegian selection process coupled with a great draw saw them strike a blow for the old countries with a top five result. This turned out to be a mere dress rehearsal for the next contest of course, as with fifty percent jury voting and a killer of a song the country infamous for it's Eurovision failures sailed to it's third victory with (thanks to the recent scoring changes) the highest points total ever. All in all quite a decade for our friends from the North.




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Eurovision Heroes: #4 Katja Ebstein

Time to look at the achievements of a quite exceptional and unheralded Eurovision heroine. No less than the only artist in fifty-five years of Eurovision history to achieve a top three position with each of her three entries, and under three completely different voting systems too. None of those entries claimed victory, as each was up against an exceptional Eurosong, yet Katja Ebstein shines brightly in Eurovision history, as her three podium results represent thirty percent of Germany's entire top three placings. Katja Ebstein was born in 1945 in what is now Gniewków, Poland but was then part of Germany. By the end of the sixties she had secured a recording contract with United Artists in Germany and was selected to sing the German Eurovision entry in the 1970 contest in Amsterdam. This was the boycott contest as four countries declined to enter after the four-way tie fiasco in 1969. Katja delivered "Wunder Gibt Es Immer Wieder" with panache, and her misfortune was to be immediately followed on stage by Dana and her "All Kinds Of Everything", which was undeniably a crowd and jury pleaser. Katja still picked up enough favourite votes from the ten person juries to place a solid third, albeit way behind Dana and Mary Hopkin.



By 1971 all had changed in Euroland. The discredited voting system was banished, replaced by two jurors from each country being airlifted to the contest venue and posting points from one to five on camera for each song a la Strictly Come Dancing. Katja was back to defend Germany with the punchy "Diese Welt", maybe the first ever Eurovision entry about saving the planet. The song scored solid votes all round without being anyones favourite and finished again in third place as the contest was won by the sublime "Un Banc, Un Arbre, Une Rue" from Severine.



In 1975 Katja threw her hat into the German Eurovision heat but finished a distant fifth with "Ich Liebe Dich". Five years on she returned to Eurovision for a third and final stab at glory. In the nine years since her last entry, Eurovision had moved on in new and exciting ways. Venues and stages within had expanded from miniscule to quite sizeable (the gargantuan was a still a couple of decades away) and presentation had been completely transformed, from a era when soloists with a couple of lowkey backing singers almost out of the shot were the norm to a time when the "six people on the stage" rule was starting to be exploited with all sorts of visual shenanigans. Ebstein's song was written by the veteran Eurovision songwriting team of Ralph Siegel and Bernd Meinunger who have spent the better part of the last thirty years penning Eurosongs, mostly for Germany. "Theater" was a world away from Katja's two earlier songs with it's cheesy content and presentation, yet once more she effortlessly made the top three, this time second best to "What's Another Year" by Johnny Logan, although the verdict was in doubt right up to the last jury from Belgium.



At this point Ms Ebstein said Auf Wiedersehn to Eurovision, although not to popular success. She went on to starring roles on the German stage in a long list of musical hits including Chicago, Sweet Charity, and Victor Victoria, as well as being a regular on German television performing Andrew Lloyd Webber classics amongst many others. An enduring Eurovision hero that fell just short against tough opposition.

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Nul Points Review: #4 The Decline And Fall Of The UK

For the first two decades of Eurovision the United Kingdom were rarely out of the top three. Whilst we seldom won, our stack of podium places was the envy of Europe. From the mid seventies, little by little it all began to unravel, to the point where 2009's fifth place is regarded as manna from heaven. So let's go on a journey through time to examine where it all went wrong......

1 The Language Rule

For most of Eurovision history countries were limited to singing in their native tongue, meaning a built in advantage for the UK and Ireland (and Malta when they sent a decent song after their nineties rebirth). Since 1999 songs can be in any language and virtually everyone has since then opted at least once to perform in English, many countries now doing it as a matter of course.

2 Number Of Countries

The UK's record of finishing in the top four every year bar two from 1959 to 1977 was achieved in an era when the number of entrants was on average sixteen to nineteen. Now it is usually twenty-five, most of whom have already proved their appeal (and got an extra plug) in a semi-final a few days before the contest final. The UK, like France, Germany and Spain, always have direct entry to the final. Would they benefit from competing in the semi?. Maybe, but not of course if they were eliminated.

3 Big Names

The UK's golden era in the sixties and early seventies was driven by the BBC selecting an experienced performer and inviting accomplished songwriters to submit songs. In 1976 no more big names could be found and only the brilliance of "Save Your Kisses For Me" and (erm) "Rock Bottom masked the decline that was just around the corner as unproven allcomers were invited to the party. Apart from Bucks Fizz who were a genuinely clever creation, and a couple of quality ballads by male crooners (Scott Fitzgerald and Ray Caruana aka Live Report) the UK had to come to terms with the view from mid-table. It was no coincidence that when the one-singer approach was briefly re-adopted in the early nineties both Michael Ball and Sonia elevated mediocre songs to strong second places.



4 Choosing The Wrong Song

Given that our Eurovision history was largely built upon chirpy ditties, which certainly cut it in 1969, it's maybe no surprise that the good UK public's idea of a "Eurovision song" has remained rooted in the past. Year after year the winner of UK selection could be accurately predicted by any savvy Eurofan. Bad sixties pastiches, anodyne hymns to peace, and then always of course "the bouncy one". This later mutated, no doubt helped by the huge gay Eurovision fanbase, into "the bouncy dance one".

5 Stageing

ITV stage the X-Factor each week in a huge arena. The BBC stage "A Song For Europe/Making Your Mind Up/Eurovision: Your Decision/WTF We've Run Out Of Ideas 2010" in a studio little bigger than a king-size duvet, and often with pre-recorded backing singers. The winning act, often inexperienced, is then catapulted into a huge arena and expected not to make a complete arse of themselves. Some of the the Eastern European countries lately gracing the top end of the scoreboard come with huge props and presentation rehearsed to the Nth degree, while the UK self-consciously slope on and off stage and then wonder why they finished 23rd.



6 Song Type

Dance music usually flops at Eurovision. Even a worldwide smash like "Oooh Aah Just A Little Bit" could't cut it on a Eurovision stage, so what chance for those dance songs vastly inferior. It's somwehat ironic that the very closest of contest observers are well aware that dance music has done sod all at the contest for at least a decade yet the general public hear some camp and some beats per minute and vote for it. The UK public has occasionally gone for something a little bit different. in 1995 and 2006 it was "rap" which fell flat on the arena stage, in 2005 the UK embraced the "ethnic/Shakira" sound with our Javine, only to land in Kiev and find fifteen other countries had the exact same idea.

Conclusion

The three United Kingdom entries to trouble the top five in the last fifteen years have been Katrina's 1997 anthem and the two big ballads from Jessica Garlick and now-Sugarbabe Jade Ewen. All three female led. Let's kick dance, experimental and chirpy into touch and stick to what we're good at. Maestro please ......



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Eurovision Heroes: #3 Chiara Siracusa

The third of our Eurovision Heroes is a most contemporary one, whose latest of three Eurovision sorties was this very year in Moscow. Chiara Siracusa was born on September 25th 1976 in Malta.

Malta's history at Eurovision has been dramatic to say the least. The little Commonwealth island in the Med doesn't really do mid-table: it's generally been top three glory or dismal failure. They debuted in Dublin in 1971 and their first two entries in the Maltese tongue were major flops, easily finishing last both times, and it's probably fair to say that if the voting system at the time hadn't made it impossible, one or maybe both of those songs would be in our Nul Pointers Hall Of Fame. Hurt by their underwhelming reception at the Euro table, Malta quietly left the contest for nearly two decades (with the exception of a bizarre 1975 offering).

By 1991 the contest had morphed into a different animal, one where English language songs were doing very very well, and middle of the road songs too. Realising that they could call upon English as one of their native tongues and also call upon some considerable reserves of cheesy MOR, Malta were back, and this time it was serious. From 1991 to 1997 Malta finished solidly in the top ten, the highlight a third place by Mary Spiteri in 1992 with "Little Child" in a contest that blatantly showed up the language rule for the nonsense it was as the only English language songs occupied the top three positions.

By 1998 the voting had changed from juries to public voting, but the language rule was in place one last time. Malta came to Birmingham with a sweet ballad sung by Chiara Siracusa. After some weak entries at the start of the running order the Brummie crowd (and the worldwide audience) were treated to the phenomenon of Dana International, swiftly followed next song by the German entry performed by comedy act Guildo Horn. After this randomly paired tour-de-force, and (as departed BBC commentator Sir Terry Wogan anticipated) Chiara took to the stage with the simplest of ballads. Sung In English, with just a few candles for backing, the impact and contrast was enormous.



Sadly for Malta, despite being joint leader with one vote left, Chiara was eventually relegated to third place after a very close voting, the like of which (thanks to the gigantism of the EBU) we may never witness again. She still returned to Malta a heroine.



Seven years later Chiara dipped into Eurovision madness once more. By now this was a very different contest. The clamour from Eastern Europe, led by ex-republics of the Soviet Union and Yugoslavia has turned Eurovision into a contest with a final and a semi, and all forty plus nations voting in the grand final. Thanks to Malta's 2004 result Chiara didn't have to compete in the semi. She was however saddled with an appalling draw in the contest final, yet sailed to a clear second place behind Greece.



Four years on, after a three year results span of "last place/DNQ/DNQ", our diva was called on to rescue Maltese honour. This time of course she did have to negotiate a semi-final and did so with some ease, despite Malta having no obvious neighbour/diaspora to call in predictable votes. For some reason, come the final, it all went a little wrong as Malta trailed in 22nd. The most obvious explanation for this is that the contest final was judged 50/50 by juries and televoting and the juries preferred the ballads of the UK and France. Whatever the reasons, let's hope it's not the last we hear of this lady. Chiara, you are a true Eurovision Hero.



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Nul Points Review: #3 The Legend Of "La La La"

The winner of the 1968 Eurovision has long been held up to a degree of ridicule. Part of this is down to the fact that even in the long history of "Ding A Dong"s, "Boom Bang A Bang"s and "Diggi Loo Diggi Ley"s, a song whose chorus consists entirely of the word "La" actually winning the whole thing strikes new ground for Euro-cretinity. The other factor of course is that by one point, Massiel denied national treasure Cliff Richard and "Congratulations" the win expected well beyond everyone watching in the UK. After "Volare", the first "standard" produced by Eurovision, struggled home in third ten years earlier, it would have been great kudos for the contest if the second (and some would say last) standard came away with a victory. It would also have meant a second consecutive victory for the UK, a streak that would have been extended to three by Lulu's joint victory in 1969. Scratch the surface though and the maligned ditty has a juicy history.The song was originally to be performed at the Royal Albert Hall contest by one Joan Manuel Serrat, who in a couple of years had become one of the brightest singer-songwriters in Spain. Also a guy with some principles, and who declared he would only go to Eurovision if he could perform the song in Catalan. Spanish TV (and by extension of course General Franco) found this completely unacceptable, and Serrat was dumped just a couple of weeks before the contest. Massiel was airlifted in from a Mexican tour, plastic mini skirt and all. In stark contrast to Massiel's Euro-friendly divaness, Serrat was publically condemned by the fascist regime and was forced to spend much of the next decade in South America. Thankfully his talent was great enough to survive all this and he remains a highly respected artist in Spain and Latin America. Here is his original version. Would it have pipped Cliff?.



The contest voting was a classic in itself. The French entry by 1962 winner Isabelle Aubret streaked away to an early lead before suddenly running out of steam, our Cliff then taking a lead that was solid without being clearcut. Spain was always a few points behind, until the German jury blew the whole thing apart.



For such a supposedly disposable song, "La La La" went on to have a life beyond the contest. A few months after the event, American pop princess Lesley Gore took it into the American Hot 100 (admittedly peaking at a paltry #91) 0 sound only clip below, and, genres away, it was also recorded by Portuguese fado legend Amália Rodrigues. Decades later, possibly more ironic versions were cut by Eurovision stalwart Carola and British pop group St Etienne for the 1998 Eurotrash compilation album.



The story of the 1968 contest took another twist in May 2008 when a documentary by the Spanish film-maker Montse Fernandez Vila alleged that General Franco "bought" votes to ensure victory by sending minions across Europe to offer to buy TV shows and give singers Spanish exposure. Eighteen months on, nothing of substance has been found to support these allegations but it's a great story. So maybe all things considered, this simple song deserves a re-appraisal?.



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Eurovision Heroes: #2 Romuald Figuier

Looking back in 2009, with male acts winning three of the last four contests, it's easy to forget that male singers, be they solo, in duet or in a group were spurned for many many years in the history of Eurovision. After Udo Jurgens in 1966, twenty-three of the next thirty-three winners were either female soloists or female-led groups. It took the advent of public voting before the men had a level playing field.

The first few years of Eurovision were awash with big traditional ballads, many of them sung in French, and many of them delivered by well scrubbed up blokes in dinner jackets. In 1958 Andre Claveau somewhow pipped 1956 winner Lys Assia even though Lys memorable "Giorgio" was the favourite song of more countries than Andre's ditty, and a finer song than her previous winner. Three years later Jean-Claude Pascal equally trumped the Allison Brothers classic "Are You Sure" to equal public dismay.

As the sixties evolved with Eurovision desperately trying to stay a pace or two behind the ever changing times, one man kept the balladeer flag flying. Romuald Figuier was born in 1941 and his first of three Eurovision forays was in the 1964 contest in Copenhagen, the only contest since 1956 to have not been recorded for posterity as Danish TV lost the video. For virtually their entire Eurovision history, both Monaco and Luxembourg imported both singers and songwriters from other nations for their efforts. Luxembourg scouted all over but Monaco stuck to drilling into the mine of French light-entertainment resources. Romuald went to Denmark with "Ou Sont-Elles Passees?" and obtained a very creditable third place, just two points behind Matt Monro in a year which brought the most dominant winner ever, the epic "Non Ho L'Eta". As Dansk Radio lost the tape this is a sound only link.



Five years later, when romantic male balladeers were even less in fashion, Romuald rolled up at the bonkers 1969 contest in Madrid. This time it was Luxembourg who called for his services and he delivered the very traditional "Catherine". In the infamous scattergun voting dominated by the ladies our Romuald struggled to eleventh of sixteen, although one country thought he was equal best (you guessed, Monaco!).



Another five years later and Romuald was clearly still a Monegasque icon, as he travelled to another classic contest at the Brighton Dome to represent once more the miniscule principality. In terms of hit records this contest stands way above all others by a country mile. The top three songs, "Waterloo", "Go" and "I See A Star", didn't just make the UK chart, they all made the UK TOP TEN!. Behind this classic trio, and just a point behind Mouth and MacNeal lay three songs in equal fourth: "Bye, Bye I Love You" by English-girl-turned-German-schlager-superstar Irene Sheer, "Long Live Love" by someone called Olivia Newton-John (!) and, you guessed, our hero Mr Figuier. "Celui Qui Reste Et Celui Qui S'en Va" is probably his finest Eurovision moment and he was just a few random jury points away from success in the highest profile contest ever. In retrospect maybe Romuald's timing was just very unlucky. The 1978 contest saw second and third places occupied by traditional French language ballads before Johnny Logan changed the image of male soloists at Eurovision forever. But Romuald Figuier will always have a classy place in Eurovision history.



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Nul Points Review: #2 That 1993 Qualifier

The fall of the iron curtain was probably the most significant event of the last part of the twentieth century, and its impact on the frivolous world of Eurovision was immense. Contest eligibility always depended on being a member of the European Broadcasting Union, which was a consortium of Western European TV stations. At the same time the Eastern bloc had their own equivalent, the International Radio and Television Organisation. From 1956 to 1992, basically any country which had a broadcaster that was part of the the EBU got to enter Eurovision. In 1993 the Western and Eastern organisations merged (quite why it took more than three years after the collapse of the Berlin Wall is lost in the mists of time) and suddenly there was a queue of new countries clamouring for their three minutes of pan-continent exposure on a Saturday night in May.

From 1994 to 2003 the EBU fiddled about with all sorts of options mostly based on promotion and relegation, either based on the previous years result or an arcane "average score" based on the last few contests, as well as an infamous "let's listen to the audio tapes" qualification process in 1996 when Germany's failure to qualify led to the controversial current day "big four" status of the contest moneybag nations. But 1993 was different.

In 1993 the EBU rather condescendingly staged a pre-qualifier for the Eastern upstarts that wanted an immediate place at the main table. Seven countries participated with the top three claiming a place in the biggest ever Eurovision final in Millstreet. The event was staged in Ljubliana and the voting was based on one "music expert" from each country casting votes in the time-honoured 12-10-8 etc style.



After some highly disparate scatter gun voting the three places in the contest final went to the three ex-Yugoslavian competitors, Bosnia, Croatia and Slovenia. The last votes were given by Slovakia, whose expert, in an unprecented and probably unique display of un-tactical voting, effectively ensured they finished fourth and didn't make it to Ireland. Here is the aftermath of the votes.



In the contest final, none of the three distinguished themselves. The wishy-washy Slovenian winner trailed in 22nd and the Croatian hymn to peace finished 15th. The Bosnian entry was in some circles tipped to do very well as it was well documented that the group Fazla had to dodge bullets to catch the plane to Ireland and they got a great reception from the audience. After two rounds of voting Bosnia led the Eurovision scoreboard but their challenge fizzled out as the juries gave the sympathy vote a wide berth and they ended up 16th, one place behind Croatia.




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